she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
