Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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