last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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