the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We named our party play list daddy issues
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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