oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
