I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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