We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
