airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
