I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
