Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
