i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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