Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
