You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
