She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
