When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
