Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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