just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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