I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
