So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
