1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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