His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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