he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize