So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
