grandma shit on top of the toilet
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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