best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
