she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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