I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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