I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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