I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
