she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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