my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
