Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
