apparently the secret to your success is patron
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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