i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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