uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
