drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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