elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
