just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
