we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
