i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
