he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
