32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
