Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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