i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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