just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
