peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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