That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
