I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
