My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
