I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
