She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
