Having a random hookup so left but love u
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Randomize
