Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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