so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She even gives head with a lisp.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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