I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
