I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
