Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she peed on how many people?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
