Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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