Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
whose parrot is this?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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