By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
