Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Hawaiian shirts and no dignity

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.

(636): View more from Missouri

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.

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(440): View more from Ohio

did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?

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(906): View more from Michigan

I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.

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(907): View more from Alaska

As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done

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