you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
