I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
