Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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