so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
