I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
