WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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