sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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