He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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