All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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