I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
