When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
