ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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