K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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