Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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