My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
